Thursday, October 8, 2009

A few weeks ago, a bride emailed me this:

“I was hoping that you could do a post on your blog about the recent bridal stores closing. I just went through the awful dilemma of the store where I bought my bridesmaid’s dresses closed and I never got my dresses. I’m sure many other girls have been going through this recently. I was hoping that you could guide people about what to do when that happens and how to prevent it (i.e. buying on credit card, not cash, etc.). I’d hate to see more girls have to go through what I went through!”

Last week I spoke at Wedding 101 where I shared these important wedding planning tips (prompted by the email above) that I’ve learned over the last 3 years. Many of the tips were insider info that you may never learn from others. Please keep these tips in mind as you hire and email this blog post to anyone you know getting married.

1) Have a game plan BEFORE you start any wedding planning - know your priorities and values. What will you value most? family, fun, spending time one on one with family, a big lively party, stress-free planning that allows you to enjoy every moment? What your priority items? his? Do you love flowers? Does he want a vintage car? Rank all wedding expenses and rank their importance. Know must haves versus nice to have.

2) Use your priorities and values to help you create a realistic budget and stick to it - don’t overspend. It causes unnecessary stress and strain on you, your fiance and your families.

3) Determine 2-3 splurge items in advance, based on your values and priorities. I recommend splurging on a great planner (a must), amazing photographer and top-notch videographer. A great planner will make your life easier. She will help you brainstorm, create a solid plan, find and negotiate with vendors, keep you inspired and focused. 90% of brides that I interview wish they’d hired a planner.

4) Shop smart - Don’t shop, visit a bridal show, read another blog until you have a clear budget and know exactly what you plan to spend on all items/splurge items so you don’t run out of money before you’ve made important purchasesor buy what you don’t need / what doesn’t fit your style.

5) Reduce long-term stress and mishaps by researching EVERY vendor before you hire anyone/buy anything. Hire vendors with integrity and a good reputation.

- Check the Better Business Bureau: When I got married, I hired a videographer who had a great booth at a bridal show. I watched a video highlight of a wedding and was sold. No one was blogging back then. There wasnt a public forum but there was BBB. I failed to check it and ended up screwed. He failed to capture key moments and I was devastated. When I mentioned it to him, he was defensive. It didnt go well. Moral - engaged couples, be sure to research every vendor you hire. At minimum, check the Better Business Bureau for negative reports.

- Read blogs, ask brides. Brides are usually brutally honest. If they like someone, they will say. If they dont, they will say:). This is a great way to find vendors they love and hate and exactly what happened.

- Read between the lines. Most vendors will not tell you if fellow vendor sucks. Why? Because they/we have to work with these vendors for years to come and we can be sued. BUT we will often redirect you to another, more competent vendor. Vendors do this all the time but often brides/moms disregard the redirect and move full steam ahead ignoring the subtle hints or recommendations. For instance, a bride asked me about a photographer and I hesitated and asked her questions about her experience. I then rattled off a few other vendors that were qualified. She didn’t get it but mom got it:). Another time, a bride asked me about a cake baker. I recommended others based on what she needed. She ignored my recommendation and called me a week before frantic with a major emergency. At that time, it was too late. There wasnt much I could do.

- Hire vendors who are specialize in what you need. Not every vendor can do everything. In this economy, some vendors are tempted to extend their services to make more money. Very few people can do everything. Whatever they promise they can do should be supported by a stunning portfolio of quality, consistent work.

- Interview vendors like job interviewers. As a previous recruiter, I can share a few behavioral questions that might work for weddings. For instance - “Tell me about your most difficult bride (family dynamic, vendor, etc), what happened and how did you handle and what did you learn?”. Or, ‘tell me about a day of emergency and how you resolved it”. One really good question is, “Tell me about a bride who simply could not be pleased, perhaps a real bridezilla who was dissatisfied. How did you handle the situation?”

- Don’t be teased by teasers. Ask to see the entire video or photo album. Ask to see more than one invitation or sculpted cake if that’s what you are hiring them to do. Look for consistent quality.

- Make sure your caterer/cake baker is “legal” aka cooks/bakes in a health inspected kitchen so that what they prepare is safe for your guests. You don’t want anyone to get sick! They should be willing to show you their health code score just like restaurants post.

- Trust your gut. If something doesnt feel right, it’s probably not. If you find yourself debating, asking others for advice - you probably feel something is wrong. Don’t stick around waiting for the ending, move on. Things usually get worse after you pay, not better. There are many more vendors and venues vying for your business. Bridal salons and venues are the worst offenders. But that doesn’t mean you should settle. Expect good customer service. Do not accept poor service. As Beth and Elizabeth at Faccio said, “This is the most expensive dress you will ever buy. You should expect good service.” I agree!

6) Protect yourself

- Get everything in writing. If a vendor makes a promise, make sure it’s documented.

- Pay with credit cards when possible because most credit card companies will protect you from fraud, loss, service issues. If you have decided to use cash versus debt, consider using a credit card and immediately paying off the charge with cash.

- If you have an unresolvable issue, contact the BBB for help meditating. If you can’t remedy the problem, at least you have a paper trail for your credit card company and one that will help other brides who might consider hiring this vendor.

7) Lastly, spend less time planning your wedding and more time building a strong foundation for your marriage. Your marriage should always be the focal point. I know it is easy to get excited and sidetracked by all the to-dos and the pretty pretty wedding things but remember the whole point is the marriage, not the wedding.

- Invest time and money in premarital education/counseling. Don’t just do the required, really invest time / resources in people who can help you build a great foundation from the start.

- Have date nights where no wedding talk is allowed. Avoid what I call “drive by wedding planning” where you fiance walks in the door and you start discussing wedding plans. Carve out a specific time/day to discuss weddings and only discuss your wedding during that time, unless there is an emergency/must decision. This will allow him to enjoy your time together versus feeling like all you do is discuss weddings. This might be a good approach for your friends too. You don’t want to run them away:).

- Don’t sweat the small stuff by focusing on your values.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 8th, 2009 at 1:54 am and is filed under Advice, Daily Scoop. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.