Making Nashville Marriages Work: Premarital Counseling Myths
Monday, January 19, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Happy MLK Day! In honor of MLK, join me in being nice to a perfect stranger:) and be sure to check out the amazing Nashville Civil Rights Collection on display at the Nashville Library. It is closed today but it is a must-see. Have kids? Murfreesboro's Children's Museum will offer a free admission day from 10 a.m.-5 p.m to celebrate the life and achievements of Martin Luther King Jr. with special activities.
In honor of MLK day, I thought I'd bring Marie, our virtual counselor back, to discuss premarital counseling - which everyone needs to keep the relationship healthy and non-violent as Dr. King would certainly agree is not the way to go:).
Guest Post: Marie McKinney-Oates, the founder of Nashville Marriage Studio
The night before my fiance (now husband) and I started premarital counseling I decided that we didn't need it. "I don't want to go anymore," I declared, " I've changed my mind. We don't need premarital counseling. We're a happy couple, remember?" The reality was that I was terrified. Terrified that the counselor would meet us and decide that we weren't a good match, or we weren't ready for marriage. Basically, I did not want the counselor to break us up. Let me just interrupt myself here, and give you some perspective. At that time, I was about 8 months away from graduating with my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. I had just had a class on techniques and goals for counseling premarital couples. Not once in my education did they say that a goal for premarital was to 'break the couple up'. I had 'insider information' about what this whole premarital thing was about, and yet I could not seem to get past my preconceptions about what counseling was and why we wouldn't need it. Now that I've both learned about and been through excellent premarital counseling, I'd like to share some myths about premarital counseling: They are going to say we aren't 'good together'. Counselors are not fortune tellers, and have no clue whether you guys will 'make it' or not. They are simply going to help you look at your relationship in a way that will allow you to be a little more objective about marriage. Premarital counseling will help you guys see what some potential problems will be for your particular relationship. The goal is not to point all the ways you aren't a good fit. The goal of premarital counseling is to help you see the potential problems down the road and develop a plan to get through them now, rather than be destroyed by them later. Happy couples don't need premarital counseling. 99% of couples are happy on their wedding day. 99% believe that their marriage is different, and will 'beat the odds'. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Needless to say, couples that are happy on their wedding day are not immune to divorce. Being happy at the beginning of a marriage isn't hard. Being happy at years 2, 7 and 20 (the milestone years couples are most likely to divorce) is. Developing realistic expectations about marriage, practicing how to handle eventual conflict, and learning what each other's 'buttons' are will help make your goal of 'happily ever after' a little more likely. My fiance would never go for premarital counseling. Would your fiance be interested in learning how to get to the end of an argument faster? Or really know what it is that you want when you're pouting/crying/slamming doors? My husband sings the praises of our premarital counseling for this precise reason: our fights are short, to the point, and far between. Could a guy really ask for anything more? Premarital counseling is not bad, scary, and it doesn't say anything about you as a couple. Actually, getting premarital counseling does say something. It says that you two are taking a great first step on the journey called marriage, you're taking some time and asking for directions.
About the Author:
Ashley of Ashley's Bride Guide
Hey - I'm Ashley! I started AshleysBrideGuide.com to give Nashville brides, or folks planning a Nashville wedding, a local resource for inspiration and resources. Hope to see you at a bridal show soon! Happy Planning.
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Posted on January 19, 2009 |
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