Dear Ashley: Your Nashville Wedding Questions Answered by Experts
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Today I'd like to share questions that we received from ABG readers on wedding etiquette and budget wedding planning. I reached out to two Nashville wedding planners who offered great advice that might be helpful for you.
Since budget and etiquette are necessary but not "fun" topics, I'd like to start with a little wedding humor.
This is a story that my mom emailed me. I almost never entertain those infamous "forwards", but this story I liked.
HOW TO BE GRACIOUS
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping and did find an equally gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear... I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.''
NASHVILLE WEDDING ADVICE
Question from Nashville Mother of the Bride:
Ashley - I have ready many articles about gifting etiquette but have run into a few issues since my daughters wedding. I have always believed that a shower and a wedding are 2 different gift events. I always brought a less expensive gift to the shower and then a bit more for the wedding gift. We only invited our closest friends to the shower. I was surprised at how many did not bring a gift to the wedding. On top of that, people who asked to be invited, asked to bring a guest (and we said yes) and then did not bring the guest or a gift!
I am from New England. Could it be that the customs are different here in the south? I could never imagine not bringing a gift to a wedding and the shower. And I am not talking about the punch and cake wedding in the church where the whole congregation is invited. I am talking about a full dinner, dancing, etc wedding. This has nothing to do with the price of the gift. I believe that is entirely up to the individual and everyone has a budget. But to bring a family of 4 and not give a gift? What if the gift was lost? Can we ask them?
The other thing is we have 2 gifts that did not have a card attached and about 15 guests who did not give a gift. My daughter wants to be sure that everyone gets a thank-you note who gave a gift. How do we ask those individuals if they gave a vase or a grill for instance? It is so awkward!
Thank-you for clearing this up for us!
Expert Advice from Kristin of Simply Stunning Events:
Gift giving is always a tricky part of wedding etiquette and has been made more complicated in recent years by the economic and financial problems many are facing. You are correct that is is customary to bring or send a gift to both a bridal shower and the wedding itself. And typically people will bring a smaller gift to the shower because it is a smaller, more intimate party.
Unfortunately there will always be people who either don't know the proper etiquette or decide to blatantly ignore it. It is a shame that people asked to bring guests to your daughter's wedding, and then showed up without a gift or the extra guest. At this stage, it's up to you whether to continue having relationships with these people based on their behavior, but hopefully you can forgive and forget, regardless of how rude they were.
My personal thoughts are similar to yours in that you should always bring or send a wedding gift if you are invited to a wedding. Even if you choose not to attend, you are still obligated to send a gift. However the cost of the gift is entirely up to you. These days traditionally people spend about $50-$150 on a wedding gift and tend to spend more if they are invited as a couple or family instead of just as one person.
As for the dilemma over the gifts missing cards, I would suggest possibly sending an email to the entire group for which there was no gift, however be sure to blind copy (BCC), all the recipients so that no one else can see who the others were. In the email just state that you received a few gifts without a card attached and if anyone sent a gift and has not received a thank-you note, could they please respond with the gift that they gave. That way you're not calling out anyone in particular but still getting the message across. Hope that is helpful!
Question from a Nashville Budget Bride:
Hey Ashley - I just wanted to put a question out there... I have been looking at venues all over Nashville and am having trouble finding a reasonably priced but nice reception hall. I am getting married in January 2011 and would love to hear from your readers about non-budget-busting venues.
We don't have an exact guest number laid out but are just trying to be careful. My fiance and I are having to pay for the reception ourselves and would like to keep things on the low end of the scale. I think we have about $7,000 to work with but would love not to have to spend that much. Our photographer is going to be $600, the cake $650 and the flowers about the same. As you can see, the money gets spent quickly and before you know it there is no money left. I really just need any help I can get right now because my ideas are running out...as well as what's left in my wallet.
Expert Advice from Hillary of Your Day of Fairy Tales:
Personally, I love the Peacock Room in Lenox Village. Very reasonably priced, no required caterer, and has a kitchen so the bride can have catering on spot. Tables and chairs are provided as well as sound system. If you are willing to venture outside of Nashville and go to Murfreesboro, there is the MidTN real estate building which rents for either $250 or 500 based on space utilized, tables and chairs included as well as kitchen. Both of these spaces are blank canvases and are perfect options to really showcase their personalities by bringing in decor elements.
Keep those wedding questions coming, and we'll help you get your answers. Leave them in comments or contact us!
About the Author:
Ashley of Ashley's Bride Guide
Hey - I'm Ashley! I started AshleysBrideGuide.com to give Nashville brides, or folks planning a Nashville wedding, a local resource for inspiration and resources. Hope to see you at a bridal show soon! Happy Planning.
send
Posted on April 8, 2010 |
Filed under: Advice & Planning, Wedding Planners & Coordinators
1 Response to This Post
Posted on April 10, 2010 @ 9:13am