Nashville weddings

Rethink Your Engagement: Cold Feet or The Wrong Man? My Personal Love Story

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Today's my birthday!!  As I celebrate my life I also am thankful for peace of mind, love of self and my wonderful friends in the bridal community.  I also want to offer select Nashville brides my unique wedding story in hopes that it will help you in some way...

My Personal Wedding Story

Many years ago - I got engaged and married and had what I thought  was cold feet.  It wasn't cold feet.  It was a gut feeling that something just wasnt right. I'd met an incredible man who loved me dearly, who "fit" my lifestyle and family and shared my values.  He seemed to be all that I wanted and needed but something just wasnt right.  We got engaged - he designed the most incredible proposal that included a spa day, a picnic in my favorite park and then an elegant dinner with friends to celebrate my saying yes. 

But something still wasnt right.  I hoped over time it would feel as right in my heart as it did in my head.

The wedding rehearsal was a nightmare - my dad could tell something was wrong.  I knew that our connection was off but my fiance assured me that I was just nervous.  I wanted to believe him.

We married and started our life.  Then, the pressures of marriage arrived.  A week after our honeymoon - he lost his income.  His family's business went bankrupt.  Everything that could go wrong did go wrong.  Given our fragile (and doomed start) we werent strong enough to turn lemons into lemonade but we also didn't have the courage (months after our wedding) to face reality and walk away.   Last year, we finally woke up and set one another free to have peace and find true love.  Today, we have no regrets.  We are both very happy and enjoy our lives.  We were blessed with the most amicable divorce ever and still are friends.

Am I thankful for meeting a wonderful man that adored me who I adored?  YES!  Do I believe we should have ever married?  Absolutely not.  Had I possessed the courage then that I eventually found, I would have never said "i do".  But, without marrying, I would have never started AshleysBrideGuide.com, which is THE BEST THING to ever happen to me!  It is my baby, one that he encouraged and supported me to start.  So, I am forever thankful to him. 

But, the same doesnt have to be your story.  If you have ANY doubt - take heed.

I know countless ABG brides who start their wedding planning as excited as every other bride but then wake up to their personal reality and the wedding is called off. I support them and am sooo proud of them.  I know calling off a wedding is hard - probably one of the hardest things in life to do.  But kudos to the women who were/are courageous enough to do so. 

Many divorced women (like myself) were too afraid or confused to do so.  Instead, we marry - feeling "cold feet" throughout the engagement and even on the wedding day.  Instead of being runaway brides, we immerse ourselves in wedding planning instead of taking a step back to really assess the situation.  That was my story and that's one of the reasons that I really want every Nashville bride to take a break from planning and rethink your engagement. 

If you have no doubt that your fiance is truly the one for you, THANK GOD! Focus less on wedding planning and start having more fun, enjoy one another and strengthen your marital foundation. 

But, for brides-to-be with doubt, take some time to really, really think - trust your gut, seek counsel and ask yourself the toughest decisions of your life. 

Helpful "Cold Feet" Resources

1) Here is a great article for smart women who may find themselves walking down the wrong aisle, preparing to marry the wrong guy. 

2) And, here's the associate book, How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy and their Cold Feet blog.

3) Marital counseling and education - Marie of Nashville Marriage Studio is one local counselor that is a good start for your conversation.  Contact her to express your feelings and get clarity before you get married.

4) Ask your friends and family - they know you better than anyone and they either see the sparkle in your eyes or don't.  Their honest and loving insight might help you see things more clearly.

5) On a lighter note - if you do find that you are engaged to the wrong guy - I Dump for You is a service that will call off your engagement for on $25.   http://idump4u.com/

Also - I'm also celebrating our ABG being named BEST REGIONAL BRIDAL BLOG!!!!  Thank you for your many votes.  We are also a finalist in the BEST OVERALL BLOG.  Please vote for us today and tomorrow as a birthday gift to me:).  THANK YOU!

About the Author:

Ashley of Ashley's Bride Guide

Hey - I'm Ashley! I started AshleysBrideGuide.com to give Nashville brides, or folks planning a Nashville wedding, a local resource for inspiration and resources. Hope to see you at a bridal show soon! Happy Planning.

See more posts by Ashley of Ashley's Bride Guide »

send   Posted on July 22, 2010 | Filed under: Advice & Planning, Engagements & Proposals