You’re Engaged! Now What? Prioritize, Research and Trust Your Gut
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
For the newly engaged, the beginning of your wedding planning is such an exciting time. You probably don't know this, but more Nashville brides will get engaged between Christmas and Valentine's Day than any other time of the year. What does this mean? The wedding planning season has officially started and you'll be bombarded with commercials, wedding shows on TV, bridal shows, magazines, etc. That's awesome and a little overwhelming at the same time.
But, it doesn't have to be overwhelming if you love with your heart and plan with your head. How?
1) Slow down!
There is absolutely no need to rush. Not to set a date. Not to share the news with others. Not to commit to anything. Savor every moment and don't feel pressured to do or decide anything. Pause the Pretty.
2) Have a game plan BEFORE you start any wedding planning - know your priorities and values.
What will you value most: family, fun, spending time one on one with family, a big lively party, stress-free planning that allows you to enjoy every moment? What are your priority items? His? Do you love flowers? Does he want a vintage car? Rank all wedding expenses and their importance. Know "must haves" versus "nice to have."
3) Use your priorities and values to help you create a realistic budget and stick to it.
Don't overspend - It causes unnecessary stress and strain on you, your fiancé, and your families.
4) Determine two to three splurge items in advance, based on your values and priorities.
I recommend splurging on a great planner (a must), an amazing photographer, and a top-notch videographer. A great planner will make your life easier. She will help you brainstorm, create a solid plan, find and negotiate with vendors, and keep you inspired and focused - 90% of the brides I interview wish they'd hired a planner.
5) Shop smart - Don't shop or visit a bridal show or read another blog until you have a clear budget.
Know exactly what you plan to spend on all items (even splurge items) so you don't run out of money before you've made important purchases. It will keep you from buying what you don't need or what doesn't fit your style.
6) Reduce long-term stress and mishaps by researching EVERY vendor before you hire anyone or pay for anything.
Hire vendors with integrity and a good reputation.
- Check the Better Business Bureau. When I got married, I hired a videographer who had a great booth at a bridal show. I watched a video highlight of a wedding and was sold. No one was blogging back then and there wasn't a public forum. But there was BBB. I failed to check it and ended up screwed. He failed to capture key moments and I was devastated. When I mentioned it to him, he was defensive. It didn't go well. Moral - be sure to research every vendor you hire. At least check the Better Business Bureau for negative reports.
- Read blogs, ask brides. Brides are usually brutally honest. If they like someone, they will say. If they don't, they will say! This is a great way to find vendors they love and hate and exactly what happened.
- Read between the lines. Most vendors will not tell you if a fellow vendor sucks. Why? Because they/we have to work with these vendors for years to come and we can be sued. BUT we will often redirect you to another, more competent vendor. Vendors do this all the time but often brides and moms disregard the advice and move full steam ahead ignoring the subtle hints or recommendations.
For instance, a bride asked me about a photographer. I hesitated and asked her questions about her experience, then I rattled off a few other photographers that were qualified. She didn't get it, but mom got it. Another time, a bride asked me about a cake baker. I recommended others based on what she needed. She ignored my recommendation and called me a week before her wedding, frantic with a major emergency. By that time, it was too late and there wasn't much I could do.
- Hire vendors who specialize in what you need. Not every vendor can do everything. In this economy, some vendors are tempted to extend their services to make more money. Very few people can do everything. Whatever they promise they can do should be supported by a stunning portfolio of quality, consistent work. Ask them for referrals - if they refuse, that's a huge red flag.
- Ask questions like you're interviewing someone for a job. As a previous recruiter, I can share a few behavioral questions that might work for weddings. For instance - "Tell me about your most difficult bride (family dynamic, vendor, etc), what happened and how did you handle it? What did you learn?" Or, "Tell me about a day-of emergency and how you resolved it." One really good question is, "Tell me about a bride who simply could not be pleased, perhaps a real bridezilla who was dissatisfied. How did you handle the situation?"
- Don’t be teased by teasers. Ask to see the entire video or photo album. Ask to see more than one invitation or sculpted cake if that’s what you are hiring them to do. They should not be hesitant to share their work so you can look for quality and consistency.
- Make sure your caterer/cake baker is “legal” i.e. their kitchens are up to health codes so that what they prepare is safe for your guests. You don’t want anyone to get sick! They should be willing to show you their health score just like restaurants post.
- Trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not. If you find yourself debating, asking others for advice - you probably know something is wrong. Don’t stick around waiting for resolution that won’t come, just move on. Things usually get worse after you pay, not better. There are many more vendors and venues vying for your business so do not settle. Bridal salons and venues are the worst offenders. Expect good customer service and do not accept poor service. As Beth and Elizabeth at Faccio Bridal said, “This is the most expensive dress you will ever buy. You should expect good service.” I agree!
7) Protect yourself
- Get everything in writing. If a vendor makes a promise, make sure it’s documented.
- Pay with credit cards when possible. Most credit card companies will protect you from fraud, loss, service issues. If you have decided to use cash instead, consider using a credit card and immediately paying off the charge with cash.
- If you have an unresolvable issue, contact the BBB for help mediating. If you can’t remedy the problem, at least you have a paper trail from your credit card company and an experience that will help other brides who might consider hiring this vendor.
8) Lastly, spend less time planning your wedding and more time building a strong foundation for your marriage. Your marriage should always be the focal point. I know it is easy to get excited and sidetracked by all the to-dos and the pretty wedding things, but remember the whole point is the marriage, not the wedding.
- Invest time and money in premarital education/counseling. Don’t just do the required, really invest time and resources in people who can help you build a great foundation from the start.
- Have date nights where no wedding talk is allowed. Avoid what I call “drive-by wedding planning” where your fiancé walks in the door and you start discussing wedding plans. Carve out a specific time/day to discuss the wedding and only discuss your wedding during that time, unless there is an emergency or you have to make the decision right then. This will allow him to enjoy your time together versus feeling like all you do is discuss the wedding. This applies to your friendships too - you don’t want to run them off.
- Focus on your values - don’t sweat the small stuff. And have fun.
About the Author:
Ashley of Ashley's Bride Guide
Hey - I'm Ashley! I started AshleysBrideGuide.com to give Nashville brides, or folks planning a Nashville wedding, a local resource for inspiration and resources. Hope to see you at a bridal show soon! Happy Planning.
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Posted on December 26, 2012 |
Filed under: Advice & Planning, Engagements & Proposals
