Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner: What to Do When People Assume They’re Invited to Your Wedding
Monday, September 26, 2011
Not to get all "hey look at me" but today's question from a bride really hits home and I'm sure it will with all of you too. One thing you learn when you are planning your wedding is that a lot of the stress is stemmed from your guests and family. It was in my case at least. Suddenly people are inviting other people you don't even know, or taking complete liberties with what is supposed to be your special day and it's a harsh lesson in not being able to please everybody. If any of you are experiencing this now, we hope that the responses from our industry professionals will help you along too.
Nashville Bride's Question:
My fiance and I want an small, intimate wedding. We weren't planning on giving everyone a plus one. Yet already, people are stating that they are bringing this person or that person. People we don't even know. [My groom] and I really want our wedding to just be shared with the people we are close with. Plus the invitations aren't even out and people are assuming that they have a plus one. What should we do?
Expert Advice from Sarah Willard, Wedding Planner (Music City Events)
This is unfortunately a common thread with many of today's brides. The best way to approach this, with grace, is to explain the situation to people as they mention bringing this or that person and to instruct your parents to do the same. "Josh and I really desire a very private wedding and have decided to keep the guest list small." If your choice is based partly on budget or venue space ("Our budget is tight" or "The church/venue only holds a small amount of guests"), you can add that in, but otherwise don't try to explain it away or act like its a big deal. Just use a very casual, normal tone. More often than not people will respond in the same tones you use. Having said that, etiquette dictates that you invite both spouses in a marriage and the significant other if a guest is engaged. Best of luck! These can be tricky things to navigate.
Expert Advice from Amy Thomas, Wedding Planner (Swizzle Events)
This can be a delicate situation. In days gone by, you would simply address the invitation to those who were invited and your guest would understand that a "plus one" was not included. (The official rule says only those named on the envelope are invited, i.e. Mr. & Mrs. Jones or The Thomas Family). Unfortunately, most people today do not employ the social graces that are expected for a formal event. Whether they just don't know or don't care is a topic for another day, but it still leaves you in a pickle.
Since you haven't sent your invitations yet, you will need to face this head-on with your intended guests when they mention bringing a guest. It's really important that you let them know you are so excited to have an intimate wedding and really want them to share in your day because they have played an important role in your life. Then, directly say that you are looking forward to having them at your wedding but you simply have not planned for any guests to bring a "plus one". You could tell them that you have made a very intentional guest list and you hope they will join in your celebration. If necessary, you could also tell them that you are working with a specific budget and simply can't afford a growing guest list. Most people will understand if you approach it in a calm, sweet way. Most importantly, be aware of your tone of voice and body language. The old adage "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" is very true in this situation. You could also ask your maid of honor, mom, sister, best friend to begin spreading the word that this will be an intimate wedding and that you really hope people will honor your wishes and not bring uninvited guests. Good luck and be brave! Most likely you'll be pleasantly surprised!
Good luck with your planning, hopefully this advice gives you much needed stress relief knowing that you're not alone and that there are solutions to the problem! If you have any questions you'd like answered, please consider hiring a Nashville wedding planner to handle your wedding from AZ or contact us and we'll help you as best we can!
About the Author:
Tabitha
Blogging is something I’ve enjoyed doing for years. My interests lie mostly in lifestyle related topics like fashion, style, design, food and weddings. When I heard Ashley was looking to bring on new members to the ABG team, I jumped at the opportunity - I can’t think of a better way to stay involved in weddings than to write about them and to stay in touch with the trends and new ideas. Lucky for me, Ashley likes my blog and trusts my experience to bring me on and so far, it’s been a blast.
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Posted on September 26, 2011 |
Filed under: Advice & Planning, Wedding Planners & Coordinators
