Important Advice from a Nashville Newlywed: Pre-Engagement Counseling Will Save Your Marriage!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
I firmly believe that women and men should meet with a trained professional for counseling before they get engaged. Yes. That may sound ludicrous to some but after years in the wedding industry, going through my own divorce and seeing many ABG couples get divorced a year after their weddings were featured, I stand by my viewpoint. The thrill of getting engaged quickly replaces all reason and before you know it, you are planning a wedding without a solid foundation.
Leah, a Nashville newlywed and previous ABG bride, recently shared her pre-engagement counseling story with me. I hope it helps you make better decisions for your life.
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Kevin and Leah at ABG's Smart Bride Bootcamp, 2011
Meeting with a trained counselor helps couples examine aspects of their relationship and answers tough questions.
When my husband, Kevin, and I started talking seriously about our future together in 2010, he suggested we get pre-engagement counseling with a pastor and family friend we had known our whole lives (and who married us). I remember thinking, Pre-engagement counseling? Isn’t that a bit too serious at this stage? We’re only dating!
Today, I’m so glad for my husband’s wisdom because, in all truth, I’m not sure where we’d be now if we hadn’t taken time to invest in our relationship in that way. I was more confident in my choice and not at all nervous on my wedding day because of it.
What is pre-engagement counseling?
During pre-engagement counseling, you and your soon-to-be spouse get a chance to sit down with a trained counselor or spiritual adviser and lay out all of your fears and hopes. It’s an awesome opportunity to ask and answer tough questions about your relationship and each other before the distraction a big, sparkly rock presents.
Yes, I called it a distraction. Let’s be honest: Once you get the ring you’ve always dreamed about, addressing your relationship issues will be the furthest thing from your mind. In comes the Gollum-esque adoration of your ring and out goes all objectivity. And who could blame you? There’s the venue to book, the perfect photographer to find and bridal shops to visit in order to find the perfect dress.
The pre-engagement counseling process is designed to unearth each other’s character traits, belief system and ideals before it’s too late. The counselor will be able to help couples determine if they’re a good match for this lifelong journey. Because, despite what statistics say, this is a lifelong decision whether your marriage thrives or falls apart. Once wedding planning begins, couples tend to push aside their problems, thinking they’ll address them as they present themselves in the marriage. This can — and will — end badly.
Make your marriage priority over the wedding and sign up for pre-engagement counseling today. I promise, you will be a much stronger couple on the other side of the sessions. Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, you’ll likely cry, feel stunned and maybe a little hurt. But out of the temporary discomfort, a reinforced relationship will emerge.
Leah and Kevin's wedding ceremony, officiated by their pre-engagement, pre-marital counselor
If you’re in the beginning stages of your relationship and thinking it could lead to marriage sometime down the road, here are a few of our favorite books to start off reading together to improve your relationship and prepare you for the next steps:
● Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray
● The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
● Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship by Joshua Harris
Here are some resources to help with your search for a therapist:
1) Nashville Marriage Studio - ABG loves Marie! She offers coaching and products to help you strengthen your relationship.
2) Psychology Today - an invaluable resource that also has a list of Nashville therapists.
About the Author:
Newlywed Leah
For many women, their fascination with weddings fades after they say, “I do.” Not for me. Even though my wedding was two years ago, I still very much have a heart for weddings and helping brides focus on what’s important — building a day that reflects both the bride and the groom while focusing on the why of the wedding — the marriage. In addition to my job as a personal trainer and wellness coach, I also coordinate weddings part time, offering couples both perspective and a little elbow grease to make sure their wedding day is a success. I’m a huge advocate for life balance and I like to remind and encourage couples to keep their sanity — and a healthy relationship — in the midst of wedding planning. Check out my health and wellness blog at www.SanityOverSurface.com.
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Posted on October 8, 2013 |
Filed under: Advice & Planning, Real Nashville Brides,
